For friends, family & colleagues
How to support a griever
Someone you love is grieving and you want to help, but you're afraid of saying the wrong thing. That fear is common — and the fact that you're here means you already care enough to try.
Below are the same resources we give our grieving clients, free to download and share. Please keep in mind that this information does not apply to all grievers; the experience of grief is very individualized and unique to each person.
Free downloads
Resources you can print and keep
No email address required. Take what's useful and leave the rest.
What Do I Say to a Griever?
Printable cards with language that helps — and language that hurts — when someone you love is grieving.
Download PDF ↓Ritual Document
A guide to creating personal and family rituals for remembering and honoring your beloved.
Download PDF ↓Understanding Children's Grief
How grief shows up differently at different ages, and how to support a grieving child.
Download PDF ↓A starting place
What tends to help, and what tends to hurt
Grief is highly misunderstood in our culture. Many grievers are met with platitudes that increase isolation rather than easing it.
This tends to help
- “I don't know what to say, and I'm here.”
- “Tell me about them.”
- “I remember when they…”
- “I'm bringing dinner Thursday — no need to reply.”
- Say their beloved's name out loud.
- Show up again next month, and the month after.
- Ask what today is like, rather than how they're doing.
- Let silence be enough.
This tends to hurt
- “God has a plan.”
- “They're in a better place.”
- “It was for the best.”
- “You can have more children.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “It could be worse.”
- “At least they're not suffering.”
- “You need to move on.”
These comments are usually offered with love. They still land as dismissal — because they ask the griever to feel differently than they do.
If you remember one thing
You cannot fix this, and you are not supposed to. Your job is to stay.
Presence over solutions. Specific offers over “let me know if you need anything.” And continuing to show up long after the casseroles stop arriving.
Referring someone
Want to point them toward support?
You can share our Book Now page directly, or send them our grief education page to read at their own pace. There is no pressure and no obligation.
Carrying this too?
Supporting a griever is heavy work.
If you are holding someone else's grief alongside your own, therapy can be a place to set some of it down. We see partners, parents, friends, and colleagues of grieving people.