Questions, answered plainly

Traumatic grief is a specific type of bereavement in which a person or family experiences the death of a beloved in a sudden, unexpected, violent, or anachronistic (out of order) way. Grief is then experienced within the context of trauma related to the death. As a result, both grief responses and trauma responses become part of the lived experience of those grieving.

No. Traumatic grief is not a disorder or a mental illness. It is, however, very misunderstood within our culture. Grievers are often met with platitudes, demands to 'move on', encouragement to escape emotions through substances and distraction, exclusion from social gatherings, insistence to 'think positively', and discouragement from talking about their pain or their beloved who died. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The pain and dis-order you are feeling is your natural response to missing, longing, and trying to make sense of something that makes no sense.

Grief and depression are not the same thing. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is a diagnosable mental disorder outlined in the DSM-5. It has characteristics that appear similar to grief, but it is not the same. If you are in deep mourning, you are likely experiencing many symptoms that overlap with MDD — sadness, inability to experience pleasure, social withdrawal, changes in sleep and eating patterns, low energy, difficulty concentrating. It is highly important to consider the context in which you are experiencing these responses. It is normal, natural, and expected to feel such deep sadness after someone you love has died. This is not pathology; it is an expression of your love and longing for them. If you have a history of Major Depressive Disorder prior to the death of your beloved, that is something that can be explored further within the therapeutic setting.

You are right. No one else can understand what this is like for you, because no one else is you. No one else has the same relationship you do with the person who died, and no one else is grieving them in the same way you are. Our providers would not assume to know what this is like for you, but they will listen deeply to your experience. At the same time, as part of being human, there are some experiences in grief that can be similar for grievers, though they are never the same. Together with our providers you can approach both the experiences that are entirely individual and those that may feel somewhat universal.

As part of our practice approach we try very hard not to use the word 'better' when it comes to traumatic grief, because grief isn't something that needs to be fixed or changed. That said, the frequency and intensity of grief responses does change over time with the practice of becoming familiar with grief. As you work to create a relationship with grief and become familiar with it both in and out of sessions, you will strengthen your emotional capacity to feel and honor grief when it arises.

Yes. Traumatic grief is a different experience than grief for other kinds of losses. In addition, each experience of grief can be different because you are grieving a different person and you have a different relationship with them. It is quite typical and normal for each experience of grief to be somewhat different from another.

Unfortunately, grief is highly misunderstood within our culture and community. As a result, many grievers are met with hurtful platitudes and misunderstanding about their pain, such as 'God has a plan', 'they are in a better place', 'it was for the best', 'you can have more children', 'everything happens for a reason', or 'it could be worse'. For many grievers, these comments are not helpful and can increase the sense of isolation and stigma that often accompanies traumatic grief. If this has happened, you are not alone in this experience.

Mindfulness is often misconstrued as an attempt to 'not think' or to focus only on what is externally happening. Mindfulness is truly the practice of being fully present with all that is arising in each moment, both externally and internally. For example, if you feel an internal sense of sadness or missing, mindfulness would have you turn your attention toward that emotional state rather than distract yourself from it. While practicing staying with the emotion, you notice that emotions come and go — that no emotion is eternal. This helps while grieving because it allows you to become familiar with painful emotions and practice feeling them. With practice it becomes less frightening to be reminded of your pain and to feel the emotions when they arise.

Center for Compassion is a private-pay group therapy practice. Depending on which provider you see, we may be able to bill your insurance. Our providers currently accept Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Cigna, United Healthcare, Open Path, and Sana. Not all providers accept every plan. While we do not accept all insurance, we can provide you with a superbill for submission to your insurance to reimburse your costs under out-of-network benefits.

Fees depend on the provider you see. Terri Waibel, LCSW: $275 intake, $225 per session. Independently licensed therapists (LCSW, LPC, LMFT): $225 intake, $175 per session. Associate therapists (LMSW, LAC, LAMFT): $175 intake, $125 per session. Graduate interns: $75 intake, $50 per session. Sessions are 55 minutes; intakes are 60 minutes.

Payments can be made with cash, check, credit card, or your Health Savings Account (HSA).

If you are uninsured or not using insurance, you have the right to receive a Good Faith Estimate explaining how much your care will cost. Under the No Surprises Act, health care providers must give patients who don't have insurance, or who are not using insurance, an estimate of the bill for medical items and services. You should receive it in writing at least one business day before your service. If you receive a bill that is at least $400 more than your Good Faith Estimate, you can dispute it. For more information, visit www.cms.gov/nosurprises or call 800-985-3059.

Yes. Our graduate interns provide services at $75 for the initial intake and $50 for each additional session, and our associate therapists offer $175 intakes and $125 sessions. We also participate with Open Path, a nonprofit network that connects clients with affordable therapy. See our Low Cost Options page for details.